Find fault behind my eyelids,

the doubt that clouds my dreams.

Let the rain fall down,

deafen my ears to sound.

There is contempt in my silent scream.

 

My soul is a lonely entity,

a dimly lit star in the heavens

when darkness hides the trees,

Let the world fall down around me,

force me to my knees.

 

I am your perfect December sunset

yellow, bleeding into red

A cool breeze gently grazing your head.

 

I close my eyes,

squint back the tears,

clench my head to quite my lonely fears.

Rapidly I pace,

as my mind starts to race

translucent thoughts fo you.

 

Our bodies twisting through life,

outward soul my destination,

seasons... the hands of time.

Fear is the heart of love.

So I never looked back.......

 

Afford my heart the fate of not breaking,

my smile this gift of faking.

No pain in my tear,

bitter in my sweet

my heart indifferent

my soul mine to keep.

~AF~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s a thrashing...

A soulless crashing in the air tonight.

All is dim in a world that once was bright,

Let silence befall my ears,

deafen them to sullen whimpers

precocious screams.

Blind my eyes to the lazy days

tempestuous dreams.

Mind working tirelessly on endless schemes.

Grind the gears to a halt,

ever reminding of who’s at fault.

Let there be silence in the mouths of babes,

preserve the innocence in a single glance

never let it slip not even by chance.

A single sullen sigh

a tear drops from my eye

unconsciousness carry me into a daze

find solitude in this haze,

let my body lye listless

drown me in your passionate kisses

All seeing eye penetrate my soul

ravish my body, devour me whole

drink me in and cry me out

my sinful body plant seeds of doubt

cast my memory into shadow

forget that we once touched

I am in dream state

held here in my minds waste

Kiss of poison, touch of Sainthood

if only I knew I could...

Clear the daze from my eyes

pain from my heart

begin at the beginning

start again at my start.

 

~AF~

I am prolific, intellectually gifted

my mind races at the speed of sound

in my ambition, my logic is found.

 

Tap, tap ,tap

my feet on the ground,

brace the heavens for my bodies break through

break out....break down..

This my trip to cloud 9...

 

My fluffy fascinations

make it one step closer cloud 10.

My eyes see in color,

my minds eyes dreams in rhyme

my teeth a chatter with my beat

a little off in it's time.

 

Beads of sweat trickle

as my tingling lips begin to tickle,

sweet soft kisses drink you in

body still as I spit this,

see my face as my soul misses...

the orbit to your celestial fantasy.

 

Tap, tap, tap

my feet in the heavens

unconscious life has ended

elevate my being to this new plane

do not think that I am fruitless in this vison

for I am driven.

 

Tap, tap, tap

my head against the sky

my intellect my tongues new dialect

never just getting by,

the search and hunger for knowledge

an ever fleeting task.

In the end, I will be the one who will bask

in the glory of true wisdom

with my faith I believe

that a love of rhyme

will span the test of time

making others believe.

~AF~

 

 

Here we are inside my head

this quite place filled with dread

my secret of how I came to be

I was not always this woman I am proud be.

 

I once aspired to be great,

I once aspired to regal,

I once aspired to be an icon

I once aspired to be someone I was not

I once aspired to live a lie and not get caught.

Of these aspirations I once had.

It occurs to me that never,

not even once did I aspire to be ME....

 

Wrap my head around this preposterousness

my want, my need, childish, selfishness

to be viewed as icon of which I do not deserve

Ohhhh what gall, haha what nerve

say to this child, your living a dream

nothing in life is given for free

all that you aspire is not always what you will be.

 

Now I am much older and this wisdom I have gained

aspire to be great

aspire to be regal,

aspire to be kind,

aspire to conscious,

aspire to live not just exist

aspire to make a difference,

aspire to be yourself.

 

When I was just a little girl

these things I did not know,

that I will fall,

that I will stand tall,

I will cry, and even ask why.

My heart will break, and some day mend

I will go through changes,

view life in all it’s phases.

 

Yet in the end,

I may not be and icon,

the twinkle in your eye,

I am a little jaded,

flawed in my own way.

I now embrace my imperfections,

for this is the way I am meant to be.

No one else in the world,

Just supposed to be ME.

 

~AF~

 

 

The world through rose colored glasses,

maintain, hold tight this vision as it passes.

Perfection, as imperfect as the one who desires it.

Keep me at bey with these nonsensical notions.

 

Like flaw to china vases,

cracks hide my perfection.

A smile dulls the pain,

laughter hides my cries.

 

Suspend my tear freely in your hand

knots unravel at your feet,

mind tired in a daze,

eyes on fire from your gaze.

My speech speckled with harsh inflection,

body on fire, flesh a blaze with life's new fascinations.

We are all guilty of life's little impersonations.

 

Draw a crowd to my spontaneous presentation.

my satire on those of us who seek out perfection

burden yourself with aggravation,

a no where road not worth taking.

This view on life from people who are faking.

 

Glean your knowledge from your perfectly imperfect lips

speak to me in a lyrical fashion,

that sways my body and contorts my form.

Impractical practicality,

envision the hand that holds me safely

the eye to guide me,

the soul to follow,

the breath to consume,

the perfectly imperfect me,

the perfectly imperfect you.

 

~AF~

If ever mind tangles my thoughts

twisting inside my head like children through amaze

let me drift to a metaphysical place

soul and mind exist body erased

elevate my consciousness as I reminisce.

 

Lustful words, impassioned gaze

hungered touch, my soul at play

tingle my skin with your ecstacsy

tire my muscles, with our love.

 

Fill my body with warmth

my eyes with stars, allow them to see

body with sensation, lingering touch of nights past

nose with sweet scents, remember you always

mind with fascination, hunger for your knowledge

skin with a growing ache for passionate embrace.

 

Run my mind in circles

wonders of what could have been

if I were different I would be your Queen.

My ever changing soul like the like the Oceans tide

these eyes tired, crying tears of ash

heart give love of tainted blood

deep pooling pupils, hold my mystery

soft silken skin the key.

 

Mind whirls through life’s maze

stopping, turning, contemplating

debating, who I am are you worth waiting

ever chasing love, my unattainable dove

memory fading like fog in the tree’s

you are gone now I don’t want to be left these

angered, frustrated, bloody dreams

pull the plug now cut off the serges

heart will stop, so will the urges

to touch you, to hold you

the stupid fucken misguided need

to even want you to want you.

 

Remembered in body, never by soul

my tingling flesh will forget you

my heart will let go

my urges will settle

the rage subside

my hunger and need for your flesh

I burry inside.

 

 

Here I stand, the almost woman.......

The almost model of me.......

The almost woman, of the woman I want to be.

The almost unbroken hearted,

The almost soul a flutter

The almost woman, of the woman I want to be.

 

I stand, my heart once vacant,

my soul then so complacent

My eyes betrayed me, they do not see what they should

I am the one woman storm, set free.

My sadness chills the air, and frosts the grass

I grey the skies and empty the clouds

I am a walking catastrophe.

This almost devastation.....

This almost pain....

This almost tortured soul.....

This almost model of me....

This almost woman, of the woman I want to be.

 

I stand in awe of this vison of eloquent intellect.

This almost me.....

This almost woman......

This almost self......

Part the sea’s in my path,

vehemence be my security.

Be fall enemies at my foot.

Sharp tongues be dulled by my ignorance.

 

Here I stand the end of this beginning,

the beginning of this end.

This chapter to be closed

This emotion to be felt and forgotten

This moment to be savored

This almost woman......

This almost past.....

This almost woman, of the woman I want to be.

 

I watch your soul with envy

wanting to reach in and grab you,

This pain of your cry....

This twinkle in your eye......

This triumph in your smile....

This sweetness in your laugh...

This almost moment....

This almost day......

This almost me......

This almost you.......

This almost woman, of the woman I want to be.

Skip, trip and bounce into this unclear atmosphere

in this space between here and there.

Let my appologies fill this void anger created

bind you together when I am frustrated.

 

I feel your pain slowly coursing through my veins

the anger of this broken home we created

enough for us to both feel like we failed.

Such pain comes from pure beauty

my words enough to break you

your smile scars my heart and blinds my stare

agrovation makes me throw these words into thin air

 

skip, trip and bounce into this unclear atmosphere

in this space between here and there.

Outside no longer standing tall,

 

Let me go back to a time when you, or I was we.....

in this place I can see that sweet smile

your spirit not vexed,

not yet infected by my imperfections

my black heart leaves you with so many unanswered questions

Frustration begins to erode my sanity

nothing is clear , I am blind to my fear

have lost it all, now I have not far to fall.

 

Skip, trip, and bounce into this unclear atmosphere

in this space between here and there

Inside no longer full,

 

Back to where I started my head heavy feeling retarded

can’t take back those words I harshly plotted

this venom I spout inside me now cant get it out

all I touch reduced to ash

found contempt in my rock bottom

so let me skip trip bounce my way back

find and atmosphere where the air is clear

let my thoughts pound loud against my head

 

heart beat this unfamiliar pace

let my words grab your soul

If I reach inside hope to never let go

let these lips one last sweet kiss

a memory to always miss.

skip, trip and bounce into this unclear atmosphere

in this space between here and there.

 

 

Cracking thoughts, confuse me

nefarious smiles, soothe me

lungs filling with water, hard to breathe.

These wicked feeling they haunt me

 

Run the never ending street as it stretches before me

the darkness isolating souls,

disintegrating hope invading my dreams

I ask for an inch life tightens the rope

fall to my knees, hope, beg, and pray for one last breeze

that sweet touch of serenity, where I  find contentment

 

A place where I let my heart weep

feel these words like loves touch

on the days when I think I've given too much

 

light in the darkness, for my eyes to find

bring silence to ears, when all has been cried

tears of ash, love like venom

embrace like a nus pulling me in

this world fades to black.....

 

Behold my peaceful smile

my graceful style

elegant speech, elevate my soul

my end only my beginning

no chains to hold me

no grasp to break

no heart to save

no more evil to shake

 

Pure in my thoughts now

determined in my path

flicker of hope glows brighter with every word I speak

this life my life I am trying to find my peak

broken free of these clutches

my mind rushes, awake with possibility

invigorated by the woman in me